My home birth story…

I was strongly drawn to the idea of a homebirth this pregnancy. I couldn’t tell you why, but something inside of me yearned for it. Although, I would be lying if I said I didn’t have some fears  dancing around in the back of my mind. I had a lovely natural hospital birth with my daughter, so I knew how wonderful birth could feel. And don’t get me wrong, it was by no means a walk in the park (all 16hours of it!) but I still found it to be extraordinary. So, in my heart of hearts I knew I could fully trust that my body knows what to do. After all, this is exactly what I was teaching women as an Integrative Health Practitioner. None the less, I still chopped and changed between a birthing centre and a homebirth throughout the pregnancy. Convincing myself Birthcare must be ‘safer’ option.

It wasn’t until I wrapped up work and took the time to slow down, go inward, and really tune into me and my baby did things come to light. During this period, I guarded my space and made daily birth preparation a priority. For me, this included gentle yoga stretches, repeating my birth affirmations lots of meditation, followed by visualizing my dream birth. I also watched inspiring home and hypnobirthing birthing videos every single day to activate the mirror neurons in my brain. This helped my body and mind believe it was possible. If all these women could do it, so could I. I think this was extremely powerful, and made homebirth feel so normal and real. Often while watching these I was flooded with emotion, seeing this miracle unfold before my eyes. And imagining that I too would soon be holding my baby in my arms. There was an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for being pregnant, for growing and nourishing a human, then birthing him and holding him in my arms. Often this visualization felt so real and full of deep emotional gratitude, that it would bring me to joyous tears. I was teaching my body emotionally what it would feel like, as if it was the rehearsal for the main event.

It was during this time the immense pull to birth at home surfaced again, I couldn’t ignore it, and it wouldn’t go away. So, at almost 39 weeks I told Tim I wanted to birth at home. He was naturally a little thrown by this curveball, especially so late in the pregnancy. I mean I could’ve gone into labour at any point. But he fully respected my desire and together we explored the possibility of making it happen. We both had our own personal fears to address around not birthing in a hospital setting, like, what if something went wrong... would we forgive ourselves. For me, coming from a medical family, I had been conditioned to follow the medical model, so these believes were deeply ingrained.

This is where I have my lovely midwife Jude to thank. She played a monumental role in empowering me for a home birth. She held a space for me to explore this calling, so I had full certainty that someone had my back, and 100% supported and believed in me. With all her knowledge and experience (and also her genuine loving care!) I felt I was in the safest of hands. She was also able to easily answer every concern. For her, I am extremally grateful as I don’t think I would’ve entertained a homebirth with just any midwife. And never at any point did she push her preference on me, yet she always affirmed that she would support me wherever I chose to birth. Even if I changed my mind on the day. I feel blessed that the universe brought us together. After meeting her I didn’t even consider any other midwives. It was such a different model of care to the pregnancy with my daughter using an Obstetrician.   

Early on in the pregnancy, I dived deep into educating myself on all things birth and particularly the process of birth unfolding naturally. I learnt a lot from Dr. Sarah Buckley’s book ‘Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering’ and the work of Ina May Gaskin. I had already completed a hypnobirthing course while pregnant with my daughter so I refreshed myself on these specific tools and techniques. I also devoured every podcast on birth and home birth I could find. I’m a bit of geek like this. I love reading and researching and taking in all the knowledge. Especially when it comes to health and wellbeing.

Physically I prepared with regular movement such as pregnancy yoga classes, yoga stretches at home, walking, lots of daily cat and cow pose, sitting on a swiss ball. I tried to keep my fitness up this pregnancy but with the Covid lockdowns I did feel it really slipped. I made sure I saw my Osteopath throughout the pregnancy and alternated this with my Naturopath/ Acupuncturist Margaret – who has guided and supported me for years now. Another human I am extremely grateful to have in my life. This team of amazing health care humans helped me with all the niggles that come along with pregnancy, as well as encouraging my body to be fully ready for birth… In alignment, with my “Qi” flowing freely. This was particularly helpful in those last weeks as I had a lot of physical discomfort, which I didn’t experience with my daughter. I did my best to reframe that this was my body softening and opening in preparation for birth. And I treated these pains as a chance to dig deeper… To practice using the power of my mind to overcome the ‘pain’. But it did get to the point where l felt as though I had no stability in my hips and even a 15min walk was too uncomfortable.

From 36 weeks I took a pre-natal herbal mix of Blue & Black Cohosh, Raspberry Leaf & False Unicorn made up by my Naturopath. I also ate dates daily and rolled a Clary Sage essential oil on the acupressure points on my hands and my ankles. Yep, I guess you could say I went all out, but it in all honestly it just felt like loving self-care for me and my baby.

Mentally, I protected my space towards the end of the pregnancy. I didn’t watch or listen to anything negative or intense. I didn’t socialize much so I could be clearly guided by my own intuition rather than outside opinions. I believe where attention goes, energy flows. So when I made the decision to have a home birth, I put all my attention there. I kept revisiting this possibility every day with a clear intention and an elevated emotion. A principle I had learnt from the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. Even when the fears would surface, I did my best to sit with them in stillness and just observe. This wasn’t easy by any means, it was usually quite confronting. It took a lot of courage if I’m honest. I ultimately had to choose to feel ok with embracing the unknown. Not something my over organised/ controlling self naturally felt at ease with. Yet, I did feel both nervous and excited by birth, so I choose to focus on the excitement and felt I myself looking forward to the birth.

I asked the universe for guidance most days… for a sign or anything or anyone that could help me where I needed. Not surprisingly, I received a phone call from a spiritual teacher who spoke the profound words I needed to hear in that moment. He reminded me that when you step into the unknown, this is where the magic happens. I also opened to a random page of a book by David Whyte with a verse on courage that felt like it was written for me at that moment. And I kept getting little ‘intuitive downloads’ to contact certain people who generously passed on their words of wisdom. I’m always amazed at how this works when we truly ask for divine guidance, and are open to receive it.

Tim also sent me this cute video clip of a monkey giving birth. It reminded me that we are nature. Ina May Gaskin talks of the primate in us. This really resonated for me during labour. We just have to get out of our own way. That’s all we have to do. Embrace our primal feminine essence. Women have been birthing forever... long before hospitals and obstetricians. If you look around, every single person you see has been born, it’s so natural to us.

A strange thing happened the night I went into labour. After a lovely Epsom salts bath, I went to bed listening to my birth meditations and affirmations playlist, just as I had for the past few weeks, with a timer set to turnoff after 20 mins.  However, on this particular Friday evening they never stopped playing for some bizarre (or perhaps divine) reason. So, subconsciously I heard them for around 1.5hrs while I slept, until Deepak’s gentle voice woke me with his ‘The Secret of Healing’ meditation and I turned it off and drifted back to sleep.

I woke again around 1.15am to go to the bathroom, feeling uncomfortable. Sleep had become a real struggle the past two weeks. I’d been getting pains down my leg which was making it hard to sleep on either my left or right side. So, I assumed tonight was no different. Tim woke up and came to check on me but I told him it was nothing and to go back to bed. However, I also had a period pain type feeling in my lower back and the urge to keep clearing my bowels which made me wonder if this was it? But no contractions. So, instead of trying to go back to sleep I felt more comfortable just sitting on the toilet leaning forward against the towel rail.

I remember finding the light of the neighbour’s TV flickering through the window very annoying, so I went and put my Blublockers on. Which makes me laugh now. I mean who wears Blueblockers in labour?! Then some contractions started, which I felt excited about. It was actually happening! I took my time to breathe through them. 4 in, 8 out. Although focusing on big long exhales felt more comfortable than counting. I reminded myself that my mind was strong and my body was soft. I could do this; my body was made to do this. All I needed to do is breathe and relax. My affirmations came to me clear and strong. My body achieves what the mind believes.

I felt very primal. I used deep sounds, and drew on power of my breath with long slow exhales. I kept moving in between contractions. Swaying, hanging with my arms on the doorway, rotating my hips and belly. Almost dancing. I felt strangely beautiful and sexy. What kept coming to me was that I was a divine feminine being, a Goddess, a woman in her true essence – with all her power and divinity. This gave me strength. I naturally wanted to stand and use gravity. I felt good, and remembered thinking ‘I’ve got this'.

The contractions came in a pattern of four with first two being more intense and the last two being ok. It felt very manageable, there was no real pain which was amazing. I just had to consciously breathe through them, particularly those first two, with deep long exhales….  and then I’d get a break to move my body, which felt good. However, I reminded myself to not get too excited as I was only in early labour. But overall it felt natural and intuitive.

Then I remember thinking ‘Man, these breaks between contractions aren’t very long’. Which is when I woke Tim. They seemed to get shorter and shorter, very quickly. But I couldn’t tell if perhaps that was just my perception of time becoming ‘warped’. Tim tried to time them but there wasn’t a consistent pattern. He wasn’t fully sure when I was having a contraction which kinda annoyed me at the time… how could he not tell!? But in all honestly there was no proper pain, just very deep breathing and like grunting. Tim initially timed 3 minutes, and then hesitantly said 2 mins and then quite confused he said 1 minute? “Should we call Jude?” I asked hesitantly. “Marique, but it’s only 2.30am in the morning,” replied Tim “We don’t really want to wake her!” We both thought we were still in for the long haul. So, Tim excitedly went off to fill the birth pool and get things ready.

I then had an urge to push which caught me by surprise. I thought that can’t be. Going off Aquila’s birth, I assumed we’d still have hours of these contractions, especially since they hadn’t even been going on for an hour yet. Tim came to check on me 5 mins later and in a very different tone I said “Have you called Jude?!” and he was like “Well… no…” and I firmly stated “Call. Jude. Now…. I think I need to push”. And even as I said it, I wondered if I was mistaken. I hadn’t even been in ‘proper labour’ yet. Tim sheepishly called Jude, apologizing for waking her, and told her of my sensation to push. Having built a beautiful relationship with her over the course of the pregnancy, where we got to know and trust one another, Jude had no hesitation of my instincts and said she would be there right away. She lived half an hour from our house.

Shortly after I felt an intense surge and thought ‘Oh ok, here we go, these are the real contractions’ but they only lasted for one cycle. Then all I had was this strong sense to push. At this point, I thought ‘I’d better get off the toilet as I don’t want to have the baby on here’. I moved to the bedroom and knelt on the floor with my arms stretched across the bed, belly hanging like a hammock. I felt comfortable and relaxed, my head resting on the bed.

I was stunned that I had transitioned to the second stage, but I felt good. I could feel his head softly bearing down. The feeling was amazing. I wasn’t pushing or even ‘breathing him down’, I was just connected to my breath, the sensations and the baby’s movements. I was aware this had happened quite fast so I tried to slow things down and keep him in until Jude arrived (which I thought would be easy)… just relax, breathe, let him come down and retreat back up.

The heaviness was building now and I was sure I could feel his head. Tim was busy filling the birth pool and when I called him to have a look he couldn’t quite believe it. He then called Jude again (the time was now 2.55am) and in a very different tone to before he apprehensively told her the baby was crowning. “Tim, you’re going to have to deliver the baby.” Jude calmly responded. “Put me on speaker phone and I’ll talk you through it.” Not exactly what he was expecting but to me he seemed very calm. He lovingly reminded me I was doing well and to keep breathing. I could really feel the baby’s head coming through now. I also felt all these funny little movements inside, that I even asked if Tim was touching his head but then realised it was my baby’s tiny movements as made his descent. I can’t even quite describe the feeling, it was just incredible.

As things unfolded it was like Jude was narrating the birth to a tee… Exactly how the baby would descent, move, turn and I felt every single movement. It was text book. And I didn’t even need to do a thing, my baby and body knew exactly what to do.

Tim first saw his brow, then his eyes flickering and then his nose. He could also see him moving, which gave him a sense of relief. Tim stepped into the role of midwife like a pro. I have to remind myself now that even though it felt so natural and intuitively right for me… it was quite a different experience for Tim having to carry this new responsibly of delivering our child. It was intense to say the least, but he totally stepped up to the occasion. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by my side. As our baby made his descent with his nose now showing my waters broke. Baby then turned his head and shoulders, knowing exactly what to do, as his little body slowly and gently slid out into his father’s hands.

Tim then passed him under my legs, to bring him to my chest. Jude instructed us to give him a good rub with the towel to get him moving. We could hear him gurgling and then he let out a lovely healthy cry.  Jude started laughing and said “You’ve done it guys!” As I held our beautiful baby boy in my arms.

At 3.03am on Saturday 24th Oct 2020 Phoenix Knight Jones was born at home and delivered by his daddy. Weighing 3.820kgs. What a magnificent entrance into this world. About 10 mins later Jude arrived.  I was still just sitting on the carpet with Phoenix on my chest, marveling at the magic. Somewhat stunned. It was all very surreal. As I held him there, he slowly found my nipple.

After some time, Tim cut the cord and we choose to actively delivered the placenta. Early scans revealed a synechiae (scar tissue) attached to the placenta, which meant there was a possibility of the placenta not coming away with ease. Tim held Phoenix while I moved to the bathroom. This was my least favourite part of the whole labour if I’m honest. It was quite uncomfortable as it required me to actively push – something I hadn’t needed to do. I felt a massive sense of relief as soon as it was out. There was minimal blood loss and the placenta was delivered safely. Jude and I marveled at the magnificence of this organ that had housed, grown and nourished my baby for 9 months. Tim and I kept it to one day plant under a tree for baby Phoenix.

During this time, Tim enjoyed more skin to skin time with baby Phoenix him while I had a beautiful warm shower. Something I felt drawn to being in the bathroom already while delivering the placenta. The warm water felt so good on my skin.

We then all got into bed and snuggled together. The baby instantly latched and fed well.

Tilly, the other midwife arrived (since there are always usually 2 midwives present at a home birth). She brought us tea in bed and made us a gorgeous platter of yummy food while we lay there in newborn bliss.

We didn’t quite get our water birth, I think the birth pool only got filled to around 10cms! But I couldn’t have wished for a better birth. What an experience, I feel incredibly grateful for. How empowering it was to overcome my fears. As they say; Everything you desire is on other side of fear.

Aquila slept through the whole thing and rather stunned when she woke up to find me holding her baby brother in my arms. We had more snuggles together as a family and Tim made us all breakfast in bed as the sun shone through the door. It was so nice just being at home in our own space. People tend to think of homebirth as ‘messy’ which is funny because the bedroom in was in more of a state after Aquila (a 3yr old) had been in there for half an hour, than the whole birth!

You can also listen to a podcast interview about both my births on The Natural Birth Podcast.

Please note all the information above is intended as health education only, it does not diagnose, cure or treat any illness and disease.